I haven’t been too irreverent lately. ‘Preachy’ would probably be a more apt description for the recent tone of my postings. I regret that. I apologize. I hate preachiness and don’t want to come across that way. I want to be irreverent instead…

I finally finished the Kingdom of Heaven movie. I am unsure of what my opinion of it is actually. I wish I could say definitively, “watch it” or “don’t watch it”. Heck, just go ahead and rent it. What’s a couple of bucks if you don’t like it?

My internal debate goes, as you would expect, to the content/message of the movie. Quick synopsis – this movie is about the struggle between the christians and muslims. It’s a pretty simple plot premise actually. However, it is also a vehicle for Orlando Bloom’s stardom. He does a credible job. You want to believe his character. (The thing with his hair is starting to get to me.) I couldn’t help feeling, though, that they tried to do a Braveheart or Gladiator with the film, but came up short. Getting past the special effects and cinematography and acting, however, there is a feeling of incompleteness to it all. There is no resolution. There is no happy ending. How can there be, right? It’s a story about religion. And, I think that’s the reason the movie may not have fared so well at the box office…not that I pay attention to those things.

There’s been fighting in that area of the world for all of recorded human history. It is everyone’s fault. It is no one’s fault. The movie helped illustrate that fact for me.

My solution? Bulldoze the entire place. Nuke the holy land. Don’t let anyone live there. Or, at least, pull a Solomon and rip it right down the middle. Fighting over an arid piece of dirt is silly.

Because, that’s all it is. It’s just dirt. Sure, there may be some rocks and some scrubby trees too, but it ain’t paradise. Nobody says, “ooohhh, I wanna live there because the weather/clime is so nice.” Nobody says, “Crops grow so easily there.” You never hear about people dying in floods or mudslides there. Last I heard, Hawaii was everyone’s definition of paradise, not some place just east of the Mediteranean.

The kingdom of heaven, no matter the particular faith, does not exist at any longitude or latitude. It is not tied to a place or thing. It is not worth fighting another person over. Jews Muslims, Christians should all just wash their hands of the place and agree that everybody’s right and nobody’s right…and move on…move someplace else…

And, while I’m on the subject…what about the Koran and the Bible?

“Inspired by God”?
“Written by Men”?

Whatever.

I know some pretty creative people and I’m positive they could come up with better plots…and certainly write better dialogue. Where’s the creativity? Couldn’t they have been more entertaining? For one thing, the entire old testament is either about someone getting busy with someone’s daughter or about someone killing someone’s son. For another, the plausibility of “one” person sitting in a cave for a few years and coming out with the Koran is very low. I don’t believe it. These are the guidlines for righteous living we have been given? Maybe there could be condensed versions that could eliminate the redundancies, the contradictory and the irrelevant.

I don’t believe either “story”. And, I don’t believe the origin of either “story”.

Metaphor? Sure. I can believe that. Fiction? Yes, I can believe that. Lyrical language and liberally creative transposition of the ancient oral history (remember they didn’t have a lot of water…their faculties may not have been at peak capacity)…with a few miracles thrown in for suspense and effect? Sure…whatever it takes to convert the godless hordes.

Put Heinlein, Asimov, Clarke, Bradbury, Burroughs, & Herbert together in a cave for a few years and I bet they would have created a real epic. You want rich tapestries? You want a sprinkling of wise-ism and parables? You want real sex and violence and consequences? You want something to inspire debate for thousands of years? I guarantee a human could write it. No inspiration from a creator is necessary.

And, other than Joseph Smith (LDS), how come we haven’t had any prophets for so long? They used to show up about every fifteen minutes. It’s been like 1500 years since a good, coherent, holy man came around. Are you telling me that what we have in the Bible and the Koran is the definitive and final word on what happened and what we should do? Huh?

And, how come we don’t have a New New Testament? Are they gonna update the Koran to put in some more PC language? What about the begetting? We just don’t have enough of that these days. The people in those books lived such interesting lives.

How come I haven’t seen any miracles????

Here’s the thing. I know lots about arid climes.
And since it doesn’t rain here…that means no lightning either.

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Copyright (c) 2005 Jamoker. All rights reserved.

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