I have noticed a huge upsurge in the Jamoke Quotient (JQ) Incident Frequency of late. Basically, the JQ is a well documented phenomena of inane and/or stoopid habits of the nameless horde that surrounds us. The JQ does not rely on any ethnic criteria and transcends all socio-economic strata.

The best example of the recent upsurge is the ridiculous inability of people to maintain a constant speed when toodling down the highway in their vehicles. There must be a planetary conjunction junction (1-2-3) or solar flare or comet cleanser passing through the intelligently designed neighborhood galaxy or something ALIEN & SUPERNATURAL occuring that would cause this effect. I can’t imagine that all of a sudden (and everyday) the entire jamoke portion of humanity (which is sizable) with a drivers license (or even those without one) would forget how to keep constant pressure on the accelerator. Usually, I’m driving along minding my own business, and IN THE RIGHT LANE, when I overtake a car in the left lane. That’s when the Jamoke fun begins. For the next mile or so, the driver of this car will speed up and pass me…and then slow down again…and then speed up…and then slow down. You get the picture. If I were more paranoid, I’d assume a collective conspiracy was in place. Maybe they are all out to get me. But, my keen powers of observation and superior intelligence allow me to notice that the jamokes of these incidents are truly oblivious to me, the road, my speed, their own speed, the grass in the median, the sun moving across the sky and/or the price of tea in China. WTF? Wake up, people!!!!

And, I won’t even get started on a rant about the stoopid jamokes who get on a highway only to get off the highway at the next exit…two hundred yards up the road. There’s no way to talk about highway congestion and gridlock and the constant slowdown/speedup, in my opinion, without pointing to this practice as a significant portion of the cause.

But, my true recent favorite example of Jamokes Taking Over The World lies in the usage of this type of product right here.

What a great idea. Walk around like some kind stoopid Trekkie Borg wanna-be. Nerds and Geeks un-tie!! Now, I completely understand the safety implications of hands free cell phone usage. (Hands at 10 and 2, but still able to call and schedule the hair dye appointment.) What I fail to see, though, is why the users of these bluetooth enabled “banana slug tumors” continue to wear the devices when walking around the grocery store or the neighborhood Chick-fil-a. These people look like complete dorks. They do not look cool and hip. Sure, a very important call…the multi-million dollar deal of the century…might occur at anytime. But, is it too difficult to pull the thing out of a pocket when such a momentous event occurs?

Sitting at a table eating some chicken nuggets and waffle fries while trying to impress the new chick from the office…but wearing the jabber-wokkie the whole time…just makes you a jamoke.

Speaking of Origami, the countdown has begun…only one week to go…