I’m not 6 feet tall. My hair is starting to fall out.
No one would ever mistake me for a movie star.
I’m just an average white guy.
And, I’m OK with.
Some would assume this is a ‘woe is me’ post. It isn’t. It’s more of a ‘what makes him tick’ kind of introspective I have wanted to post for awhile. It’s a sort of self-awareness stream of consciousness admission I have felt obligated to make.
A year of forcing myself to post my thoughts here has made me realize I’m not a writer. I will never be a good writer. Instead, I’m just an average writer. Regular visitors to this site will notice the word count per post has drastically fallen off. That I have been too busy to post thousand word posts has really just been an excuse for realizing I’m just an average writer. I’ve realized I’m not good enough to make it zing. And, it takes too long to formulate the thoughts into the written form. Too, stuff I think and want to post has already been said by others…and said better, more succinctly…and with more zing.
So, I’m just average.
Sure, forcing myself to post has been a good exercise. Yes, it is beneficial. Yes, the discipline is worthwhile. But, it isn’t going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things. It isn’t going to go anywhere…or get steadily better.
It is what it is…nothing more, nothing less…and that is that.
Like I said, I’m OK with it.
I was an average musician when younger. I was an average cyclist.
I’m an average employee at work.
I’m an average family member, husband, father and friend.
(I’m a below average typist, by the way.)
In everything I do, I’m neither the best nor the worst. I’m just halfway in between.
People who know me well would either choose to disagree and challenge my conclusion out of kindness and say I’m not average or they would choose to agree and say I’m not harsh enough in my self criticism. They’d say I’m great and talented and kind and above average at lots of activities. They’d say I’m a self absorbed jerk. Either way, people are entitled to their opinions. But, I wouldn’t disagree with either viewpoint.
I AM average. I know it. And, I’m OK with it.
When considering the word count for the blog, it comes down to procrastinating…or laziness…or allowing myself to become disinterested. I get to a point with things and then move on. Average then is the result of a lack of true discipline. Forcing myself to do this blog thing only goes so far. If I had true discipline I wouldn’t accept average. I would try to work harder. I would push harder. I wouldn’t be OK with average. But, unfortunately, being average is what allows average.
Considering my music or athletic endeavors, it is the same story. Innate talent took me to a certain point, and then I stopped trying. I let laziness win. I let other pursuits take over. I couldn’t make myself do more. I looked around and saw other people do better. I saw other people with more talent. I saw other people with more discipline. I know better musicians. I know better cyclists.
The same can be said for my photography. I allowed it to take over for blogging. I let taking fotos become more important than writing. I told myself that a single picture was as good as writing a thousand word post. And, I enjoyed it.
But, taking fotos is easy. The camera does all the work.
I didn’t learn how to do it correctly. I didn’t study the art. I haven’t allowed it to become a passion. And, the shots I take are generally just average imitations of much better stuff out there I have seen. Comparing my fotos to the shots on Flickr that get all the faves is no comparison. A copy is never as good as the original.
It’s like the character Tom Cruise played in “Days Of Thunder”. “I don’t know how the car works, Harry. I just drive.” I’m that guy. I just drive. At music, cycling, writing, photography, and my job, I’m just interested enough to make the car drive. I might finish the race. I might even win the race occasionally. But, I never can make myself learn HOW the car drives. I can’t force myself to learn the ins and outs. I don’t have the discipline to figure out how things happen. I’m always just content to go part way with stuff.
So, I’m average.
The nice people will say I’m too smart. My intelligence allows me to gain an immediate grasp, without having to learn the skills properly. I don’t need to read the manual. The not so nice people will say I’m not smart enough. My lack of intelligence confines me to a half-assed existence. If I were smarter I could break the habits.
Again, both assessments are probably correct. And, being stuck in the middle is what makes me average.
No ‘woe is me’…no cries for sympathy…no gnashing of teeth in anguish…
Just an admission of awareness…and a statement of confidence…
With a world full of people who get attention for being excellent at things…and a world full of people who are shortchanged because they are not only excellent at nothing but who also have nothing, I think it is healthy to have (and share) an understanding of my place in life. I think it is fitting.
I’m just an average white guy who’s OK with being an average white guy.
Besides, if not for the average folks, there wouldn’t be any excellent people…