Looks like “natural male enhancement” will soon have a new definition in the national lexicon. For those lucky enough to have missed the “Enzyte” commercials (which ran during all sports programming over the past couple of years…including daytime broadcasts where young children could have been watching), “Natural Male Enhancement” was the clever marketing euphemism for taking a pill in order to get a long johnson. Here’s an example:

But now, “Natural Male Enhancement” will probably instead be used as a joke alongside the other various and common examples of male sexual inadequacy – like the “penis pump” (google it if you need to see an image), the sports car, or the trophy wife. The cheap (and natural) alternative to the little blue pill you could get without a prescription was apparently a scam. (mock surprise)

The makers of Enzyte have been convicted for a whole slew of wrong deeds including mail and credit card fraud and false advertising (unfortunately, bad advertising wasn’t one of the charges though). And, while there was nothing in the judgment to indicate the pill didn’t work, it’s a safe assumption that the credit card fraud happened when men demanded the return of their money after realizing their Chubby Sausage Johnson Anaconda Woody Schlong Joystick Gherkin Pecker Trombone wasn’t growing by leaps and bounds.

Seller of ‘male enhancement’ pills convicted on multiple charges

But, while the convicted do face the prospect of lengthy jail sentences, I’m sure the appeals process will be fully exhausted before anyone goes to the Pokey.

One of the main charges made by the prosecution in this case was the use of false advertising by the company. To see for yourself the prosecution’s ‘exhibit A’, please watch these:

You gotta love that “north pole” euphemism? Get’s you in the christian holiday spirit…

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