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If “to err is human”…then maybe, “to be hypocritical is to be politician.”

It’s the same old story…Politician makes a name for himself rooting out corruption and tirelessly upholding the law. Politician gets caught breaking the law.

It’s so boring…and it’s not even the least bit creative.

But, why do they always have to have their wives standing at their sides when they give “the speech”?

Because, with that look on her face, you know he’s guilty…and, you know she’s going to divorce his butt in about three weeks. Of course, she’ll get a book deal out of it, though.

Looks like “natural male enhancement” will soon have a new definition in the national lexicon. For those lucky enough to have missed the “Enzyte” commercials (which ran during all sports programming over the past couple of years…including daytime broadcasts where young children could have been watching), “Natural Male Enhancement” was the clever marketing euphemism for taking a pill in order to get a long johnson. Here’s an example:

But now, “Natural Male Enhancement” will probably instead be used as a joke alongside the other various and common examples of male sexual inadequacy – like the “penis pump” (google it if you need to see an image), the sports car, or the trophy wife. The cheap (and natural) alternative to the little blue pill you could get without a prescription was apparently a scam. (mock surprise)

The makers of Enzyte have been convicted for a whole slew of wrong deeds including mail and credit card fraud and false advertising (unfortunately, bad advertising wasn’t one of the charges though). And, while there was nothing in the judgment to indicate the pill didn’t work, it’s a safe assumption that the credit card fraud happened when men demanded the return of their money after realizing their Chubby Sausage Johnson Anaconda Woody Schlong Joystick Gherkin Pecker Trombone wasn’t growing by leaps and bounds.

Seller of ‘male enhancement’ pills convicted on multiple charges

But, while the convicted do face the prospect of lengthy jail sentences, I’m sure the appeals process will be fully exhausted before anyone goes to the Pokey.

One of the main charges made by the prosecution in this case was the use of false advertising by the company. To see for yourself the prosecution’s ‘exhibit A’, please watch these:

You gotta love that “north pole” euphemism? Get’s you in the christian holiday spirit…

Let’s invade Canada.  Turns out they’ve got gobs and gobs…or is that globs…of oil.

So, let’s claim they have WMDs…or have been hiding Bin Laden…or, that anyone with a currency named the “Loonie” is unfit for self-rule. And, let’s send in the cavalry…or the guard…or whatever is left and just go in and take it.

And, since there’s never anyone in Canada anyway (because they spend most of their time in Florida), it’ll be a quick exercise.

Mission Accomplished.  $1.00 gasoline here we come!!!

The worst invention in the world…ever…

be careful viewing Part 2, it may hypnotize…

Come on big money…big money…big money…

I used to love watching “Wheel of Fortune“. I was always pretty good at guessing the puzzles. But, I really liked it when the contestant would spin the wheel and holler out, “come on big money!”. That every contestant would holler the same thing made me wonder if it was a requirement for being on the show. I wondered if there was a clause in the contestant contract that said, “You don’t get to touch Vanna or Pat at the end if you don’t shout “Come on big money.”

Who knows, maybe the phrase is trademarked by Mr. Merv Griffin himself.

And, speaking of Big Money, I’d hate to be this guy right now. What did he do, you ask? Basically, he hacked his own employers computer system and bought a bunch of stuff on credit. When the banks controllers figured it out they decided to fix the situation by cutting their losses. When the rest of the world got wise to this massive selloff, a major panic ensued. The good news (cough cough) is that after many 401Ks were subsequently shattered, tax rebate checks will soon be on the way!!

Come On Big MONEY!!!

Of course, Soros thinks we’re all in for a major negative market correction…with the U.S. sitting at the kid table from now on…

when you think “sex club”, I’ll bet you envision lots of attractive women and men frolicking by the pool and having a great time.  but, what if the reality is NOT what you envisioned? 

“People who place their trash out on the street two days before the pickup and then fail to collect their trash cans for another two days are Jamokes.”

I started my college career thinking I wanted to be a journalist.

After spending a semester of torture in the “Writing for Journalism 101” class, I changed my major and didn’t look back. The class was taught by the former head of Alcoa’s (yes, the Aluminum Manufacturer) PR Dept. And, he was the Dean of Admissions for the School. He was a distinguished looking gentleman with grey hair and very nice clothes. He talked a lot about Alcoa.

Alas, whatever the bleep he knew about writing for a newspaper, I sure as hell never discovered.

And, since I was the only male and non-blonde in the class, I didn’t get a good feeling that I had any future job prospects as a journalist.
(Nor did the professor pay any attention to me…seeing as how I didn’t have breasts.)

But, we spent a lot of time writing headlines and lead paragraphs in the class. Why did we do this? Because people only read the headlines and lead-in paragraphs of stories. And, believe it or not, what was true back then with writing for print, is still true today with writing for the internet.

So, I have a great (I think) headline.
“Katie Holmes Runs NYC Marathon”

And here’s the lead paragraph:
“Katie Holmes ran in the NYC marathon. Despite the admirable feat of completing the race about a year after having given birth to her daughter, she obviously does NOT know how to wear a ballcap.”

katie holmes

So, how’s that? Would you read any more of the article?

“A flirty, fun, fascinating fragrance from Paris Hilton.”

Whatever THAT means…

But, what I want to know is…what does it smell like?

Maybe it’ll smell like the back of a squad car:

Maybe it’ll smell like “musk of mutt”…

Maybe it’ll have that “just got out of jail fresh scent”:

Maybe it’ll smell like ‘this guy’:

Or, maybe it’ll smell like a spicy BBQ burger from Carl’s Jr.

What do you think?

July 2019
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